


Do You Remember the Time

by Thegingerhalf



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2009, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Break Up, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pining, Song fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-06
Updated: 2017-09-06
Packaged: 2018-12-24 15:50:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12015999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thegingerhalf/pseuds/Thegingerhalf
Summary: Dan and Phil broke up years ago, and Dan is Fine. He is. Except he can't sleep, but that's nothing new. Except his mind is running his memories of Phil on a continuous reel behind his eyes, but that's nothing new either.Based off the fan song '2009'





	Do You Remember the Time

Dan couldn't sleep. 

Lying silent in his bed, he could hear Phil's heavy footfalls pacing his room across the hall. Who was pacing around their room at 3:00 in the morning? Besides himself of course. Maybe Phil had picked up his bad habit of existential crisis-ing in the early hours of the morning. Dan smirked at the thought, shoving his face further into the pillow. 

Dan had barely had any sleep in the past two weeks and he was running on fumes. He didn't know why it had been so hard recently, he'd spent five years living with Phil, and yeah, it hurt. It hurt like hell. But he usually wouldn't be losing so much sleep over it. He spent 23 out of the 24 hours in the day with him. They were best friends, and only best friends, attached at the hip, and he wasn't complaining. He loved spending time with Phil, making him laugh, seeing his adorable grin, his bad jokes, but he can't help it if his heart still aches for the time, years ago, when they were so much more than just friends.

Dan groans into the pillow, not wanting to follow this train of thought. He was well aware it would only make his situation worse. Unfortunately, his brain wasn't planning on cooperating tonight. The constant thump of Phil's heavy footsteps should have been soothing, a syncopated rhythm to his own heartbeat echoing in his ears, but tonight they stood only as a constant reminder of the fact that the love of his life was waiting just across the hall. A reminder of all the happy glowing memories from before it all came crashing down around them.

thump thump thump

Remember that time on one of their Manchester trips when Phil knocked over his coffee, spilling it all over Dan's lap? Remember how he tried to pull away, only to knock over his own cup next, like some weird caramel flavored game of dominos?

thump thump thump

Remember the first day they met in person, filming the first PINOF video? Remember when Phil tackled him to the ground, looking down into his eyes, every inch of their bodies touching? Remember how it felt like every nerve in his body was on fire? Remember how the air seemed to crackle with electricity? Remember how all that charge seemed to fade away in a second when Phil suddenly giggled, his breath tickling his cheek and a heavy weight lifting from his chest?

thump thump thump

Remember when- 

Yeah, this wasn't working. 

‘Alcohol.’ He thought, rolling up into a sitting position. ‘I need alcohol.’

He stood up from the bed, taking a moment to let the blood rush subside. Stumbling out of his room, eyes still heavy from too many sleepless nights, Dan padded into the kitchen. He opened the liquor cabinet, staring blearily at the poor selection of alcohol they'd collected. There was some fruity wine that Phil liked, (he said it reminded him of the cocktails he always ordered, but without all the work)-- a gift from Louise during their last party, a crappy wine he used for videos, a half full bottle of whiskey, and a few cold beers buried in the back of the fridge. Sighing, Dan grabbed the crappy wine and a coffee mug, too tired and miserable to really care if either were entirely appropriate for this time of night. Pouring a bit into the cup, he stared down at the red ripples skipping across the surface, trying to gauge just how drunk he was actually planning on getting tonight. Eventually giving up entirely, he poured until the cup was full, knowing it would most likely go to waste, but at the moment, he didn't really care. Shuffling out into the living room, Dan plopped himself down on the couch, maneuvering the cup so no wine spilled out on him or the furniture. Taking a perfectly reasonably sized sip, Dan lounged on the couch, waiting for the alcohol to kick in. Sighing again, quietly, Dan let his head drop back on the couch, his brain starting to get that fuzzy feeling he gets when he's tipsy. Taking another sip, he worked on quieting his mind, getting himself calm enough to maybe get some sleep tonight. The creak of a closing door made him snap his eyes open, his thoughts going first to ‘ghost’ before his slightly blurry mind registered phil standing in the doorway. Dan let out a deep breath, giving a nervous smile before nodding to the seat beside him. 

“What's keeping you up this late at night?” Dan asked, moving his feet in closer to his body to give his flatmate more room. Phil ducked his head as he smiled, shuffling over to the couch and folding his legs carefully beneath him. 

“I could ask you the same thing.” 

Dan smiled, nodding his head in grudging agreement. “You know, just the usual existential crisis. What's your excuse?” 

“Can't sleep.” Phil responded, being purposefully unhelpful and vague; not that Dan had a leg to stand on. “Why the coffee, if you're trying to sleep?”

Dan's slightly muddled mind scrambled for a second, trying to figure out what he was talking about. He didn't have coffee. Did he make coffee somehow and then forget? Why would he make coffee?

Phil's eyes flicked down to the mug in his hands, silently pushing him to answer. 

Dan followed his gaze and realized what he was asking. He laughed quietly. 

“It's wine.” He wrapped both hands around his mug, lifting it to take another sip. Over the rim, he saw Phil's eyebrows knit closer together in concern

“Why are you drinking wine out of a coffee mug at five on the morning?” 

Dan glanced at the clock on the wall. “Is it that late already?” He turned back to Phil, who was sitting patiently on the other end of the couch, still waiting for a proper answer. He sighed, taking a moment to choose his next words. 

“My brain wouldn't shut up, so I'm drowning it in alcohol.” 

Phil laughed, his tongue poking out from between his teeth and Dan felt that long familiar tug in his chest. He smiled back and thought maybe he should've gone for the whiskey. 

“Come on Dan,” Phil chastised, halfheartedly slapping his knee with the back of his hand, but it ended up as more of a gentle caress and Dan felt his stomach drop at the touch. “That's no way to handle your problems!” 

Dan rolled his eyes, “Yes ok mum” he smiled and took another pointed sip. 

Phil sighed, deciding to let it drop. He sunk down further into the couch, his shoulders slumping back into the cushions as he asked instead,

“What was your brain chattering on about tonight?”

Dan tensed for a brief moment, taking a quick gulp and consciously relaxing his muscles before answering. 

“Oh you know, bits of everything I guess.” He was lying. He knew he was lying. He could hear it in his voice and he knew Phil could too. He took a drink to calm his nerves as Phil shifted again in his seat, letting his arm draped over a colorful throw pillow Dan couldn't remember how they'd gotten. 

“You've been tired all week Dan. Is something bothering you?” 

It was becoming clear to him that his friend didn’t want to let this go almost as much as Dan didn’t want to talk about it. With a tired smile, he said,

“I’m fine Phil. Just… busy.” 

Phil nodded, knowing how hard Dan worked on everything he did for his fans. He wasn't surprised it was starting to get to him. “Maybe you should take a vacation!” Phil looked over the pillow he was hugging, saw Dan’s ‘are you kidding me’ look, and quickly tried to explain himself. “I mean, not for long, and you don’t have to. I just think you need to take a break, you’ve been working really hard lately.”

Dan rolled his eyes, shifting down lower and taking another sip. “You still haven’t told me. What’s keeping you up at night, Phil Lester?” 

Phil shook his head gently, smiling. “Don’t think I don’t see you changing the subject.” he leant back into the couch, using the small bit of momentum to roll into a standing position. He shuffled into the kitchen, chased by Dan’s voice.

“Don’t think I don’t see you doing the same!” he heard Phil chuckling, along with the clattering of dishes in the sink. “What are you doing anyway?”

“I wanted hot chocolate”

Dan had the urge to roll his eyes, but instead chose to giggle quietly to himself. He sat on the couch, nursing his drink and waiting for Phil to return. He heard the beep of the microwave, followed by the rattling of a spoon being stirred in the mug. Phil appeared again, cupping his hands around his warm mug. His short black hair stood up at odd angles, his pokemon t shirt rumpled from tossing and turning in his bed earlier that night. Dan looked up at the man he had idolized for so long, the man he had fallen in love with. His flatmate sat beside him, and Dan felt a smile growing on his face. He giggled into his mug, eyes cast downward as he took another sip. 

Phil looked up, smiling when he heard Dan laugh. “What?” 

Dan looked up, his eyes twinkling as he met Phil’s amused gaze. He admired how his tongue poked into the space between his teeth, the way his bright blue eyes opened wide as he waited for an answer, the odd shines in his hair from all the different directions it was going. All these things clouded his mind far more than the alcohol ever had as he grinned at his best friend. 

“I love you”

Phil’s smile froze on his face, the corners of his mouth drooping and his eyebrows pulling together. “What?” 

And that was when Dan felt everything around him shatter into pieces. The whole conversation came rushing back at him in a startling clarity he shouldn’t have after a whole mug of wine on an empty stomach. He sat back on the arm of the couch, as far away from Phil as he could get without standing. He blinked, trying to force his mind to clear, to push past the alcohol that he’d been so carelessly been drinking to find the right words, any words. No. not any words. There were lots of words that would only make this worse. 

“Uuuuuuuuuhhhhhh… mmmmmmm.” his mind had gone blank and he had no idea how to fix this. Phil’s’ eyes flicked down to the mug in Dan’s hands, reaching out to take it. 

“I think you’ve had enough of this.” he set it down on the coffee table, not meeting Dan’s eyes. “Do you want me to make you some hot chocolate?”

But Dan paid no attention to what he was saying, his mind still reeling from where this conversation had gone. He desperately wanted to salvage what was left of the night, but his brain and his mouth were having a bit of a disagreement on how to go about that. “I’m sorry Phil, I really am, but I’m still in love with you.”

And Phil, from his position poised on the couch, ready to stand, sunk back into his seat. Dan was panicking now, his mouth moving without his permission. “I have been since before we first met. And I never stopped, not even when we-” his voice caught, finding it hard to get the words out. “When we ended it.” Dan looked up, searching for any reaction from his flatmate, but Phil just sat, not saying anything, mug cradled in his hands, staring at him as if expecting him to go on. Dan scrambled for something to say, something that would fix this. “Remember the first time we ever met in person? At the train station? I was so nervous that I’d been at the wrong place, that I got the date mixed up, that you wouldn’t be able to find me, that you’d invited me as a joke. And I was freaking out because I couldn’t see you anywhere and I was so scared you wouldn’t come and then I turned around and you slammed right into me, hugging me as hard as you could, and you were so excited, and you were bouncing up and down and talking about everything that we were gonna do…” Dan drifted off, watching the memory playing again and again behind his eyes. “That was one of the happiest moments of my life.” 

Phil was smiling just barely, reliving the day as Dan told it. 

He kept talking. Maybe the smile meant he had a chance. “Remember the first time we said I love you? In 2010? During that giant blizzard when you insisted on filming that ‘interactive christmas adventure,’ and we were out there, in a foot of snow, filming for hours-” 

Phil snorted at his exaggeration, but didn’t correct him.

Dan rolled his eyes but kept going. “Fine, maybe not hours, but it felt like it. Remember how after we finished, it was starting to get dark out, so we sat there in the snow, looking up at the stars with our lukewarm cups of tea, and you bent down and wrote ‘I love Dan’ in the snow?” he and Phil both giggled softly at the memory. 

“Remember on our first day together, when I kissed you at the top of the Manchester Eye? We were with Charlie and he sat on one side and we sat on the other and I was so nervous it’s not even funny. My heart was pounding in my ears and my hands were shaking and there was this pang in my heart every time I thought about you. And we were almost at the top, and you were talking about how amazing the view was, and I agreed, but Phil I wasn’t looking at the city.” he heard his voice crack in time with his heart but he plowed on. “And Charlie had his face smushed against the window, and I didn’t realize how close to you I’d gotten until you turned around to say something to me and almost bumped my nose with yours. And your eyes were so fucking blue and I could feel your breath on my face, and I closed my eyes and I kissed you.” 

Phil was smiling, cradling his hot chocolate to his chest as he listened to the stories Dan was telling. And when he finally spoke, it was into his mug, his voice coming out muffled and echoey. “We only stopped when Charlie threw himself into a coughing fit.” 

Dan laughed at the memory, and a spark of hope grew in his chest. “Poor Charlie.” 

Maybe he hadn’t completely ruined everything he’d had with Phil. Maybe he’d get a second chance.

They both lapsed into a comfortable silence, lost in their own thoughts and memories.

“I’m sorry.” Dan looked up in surprise, meeting Phil’s gaze. He was slouching, back curved into the couch when Dan asked, 

“What for?” 

Phil’s eyes flicked between his mug and Dan, taking a deep, steadying breath before answering. “For the break up.”

Dan’s eyebrows pulled together in concern and confusion. “Phil that wasn’t your fault-”

“Yes it was,” he spoke calmly, the few lights they had on in the room reflecting off his eyes. “I’m the one that suggested it.”

Dan moved to say something, but Phil just spoke louder. “I didn’t want to, I swear, but we were getting more popular, and you didn’t want to come out, and we were just fighting more and more and about the smallest things. I was worried if I didn’t do something, I would lose you completely. I would’ve rather had you as my best friend than not have you at all.” His voice was getting higher and the words came out faster the longer he spoke, his gorgeous blue eyes shining as he paused to blink back tears. “But I miss you Dan. I miss cuddling while we watch tv, I miss waking up to you in the morning, I-” he got cut off by the air being knocked out of him. Looking down, he got a faceful of fluffy brown hair as Dan squeezed his arms tightly around his midsection. Phil gently wrapped his arms around Dan’s shoulders, squeezing like he never planned to let go.

Dan buried his face in Phil’s neck, basking in how good it felt to hug him like this again. He felt Phil kiss the crown of his head, his breath tickling his hair. “I love you,” Dan whispered, his lips grazing against Phil’s skin.

“I love you too.” Phil whispered back, and Dan could feel him smiling as his breath ghosted across his scalp. 

They sat like that for what felt like hours and mere seconds at the same time, enjoying being in each other’s arms after all this time. 

Dan took a deep breath, breathing in Phil’s sweet but musky scent, a mixture between his fruity body wash he still swore he bought by accident, and the overly expensive spicy cologne Dan had gotten for him when he was birthday shopping for his mom. The smell of Phil was spread out throughout the apartment of course, he lived here. But sitting here in his arms was different. The scent was stronger, more heady, warmer, and it wrapped around him, settling in his bones as he curled up in Phil’s arms. “So does this mean we can try again?” he asked, not able to keep the hope out of his voice. Phil twisted around in his place, adjusting them both to meet Dan’s eyes. 

“I would love that Dan,” he said, eyes bright as a smile grew on his face. Dan grinned back at him, staring into his bright eyes. Phil tilted his head forward into Dan’s, until their foreheads rested against each other, their noses barely brushing.

It wasn’t clear who kissed who, but the next thing Dan knew, his lips were pressed gently against Phil’s, moving against his friend’s, pulling them flush together. He moaned softly when he felt Phil’s tongue glide across his lower lip, opening his mouth to let him in. They kissed each other until they were breathless and red in the face, from both lack of air and exhilaration. They pulled apart, barely, foreheads touching, hands wound in hair and arms draped around necks, Dan’s long legs dangling off Phil’s lap. They were breathing heavily, swimming in the other’s eyes. 

“Does this mean you’re my boyfriend again?”

Phil huffed out a laugh, breath puffing across his face and eyes crinkling with joy. “Only if you’ll be mine.”

Dan grinned so wide his cheeks began to hurt, nodding his head enthusiastically as he leaned in to kiss his boyfriend again.

**Author's Note:**

> I've had this saved in my docs for entirely too long, so here you go. I hope song fics aren't too unbearably cringey in the year of our lord 2017, but thanks for reading anyway!
> 
> (you can come visit me on tumblr at 'thegingerhalf')


End file.
